We had our last visit with Christyn (our social worker) on Monday. At the beginning of our homestudy process we were assigned three books to read as well as an online course to complete as homework. We all know I like information and lots of it, so having homework wasn't a big deal to me. I'm not adopted and I am a first time adoptive parent. I want to know what's going to happen, how to talk to my child about how she came to be ours, what I can do to help her adjust to the fact that she's adopted throughout her lifetime. (I'm just going to pretend the baby is going to be girl from now on, okay? I'm tired of the s/he thing...very tedious to work with.) I want to know what open adoption looks like in other families so that I can know what we want for our family.
I had always planned to tell my child that she was chosen because she was special. I want her to know that she was always loved, before we even know who she is. I didn't realize the pressure that this could put on my daughter, that she might feel the weight of expectations in that statement. If she was chosen because she was special then she could be unchosen if she doesn't live up to that specialness. I'd never thought about it that way before but it made sense. We've decided instead to say that we were chosen to be her parents by her birth family who loved her deeply. This way it's us who live up to expectations and our baby who experiences love from all sides. That seems much better to me.
That's just a small segment of what we studied and discussed with Christyn. There's much more to parenting an adopted child than I can cover here but if you'd like to know more, I'd recommend Raising Adopted Children by Lois Melina. it's a quick read and funny in parts. Jeff and I both enjoyed it.
So, as of Monday we are offically done meeting with our social worker. We have a few loose ends to tie up, paperwork wise but the main thing we are waiting for are our criminal history and background checks. Once those come back Christyn will write our homestudy and our profile will be displayed in all Bethany offices and on their website. After that, we just wait to be selected. So, I guess I'm pregnant on paper.
Saturday, June 30, 2007
Thursday, June 21, 2007
The Home Asessment
Last Friday we had the home asessment portion of our home study. To let you in on the lingo, the home study refers to the entire batch of adoption paperwork that must be completed in order for us to be eligible to adopt. It includes fingerprinting, a background check (by the FBI!) financial records and a complete social history. There are many more details to it but those are the broad strokes. The home asessment is just a part of the process.
I have to tell you, nothing makes me more uptight than having someone inspect my home. I keep it neat at all times but knowing that my whole entire future hinges on this! made me, let's say, a wee bit uptight. Our social worker, Christyn, told me not to go crazy cleaning. "I'm not coming in with a white glove!" she excalimed when I mentioned borrowing a ladder to clean my windows.
I have really been making a conscious effort this year to base my identity in Christ and not in what people think of me, so I took her advice to heart. I did a reasonable amount of cleaning (i.e.: did not scrub my kitchen floor with a toothbrush) and felt very proud of myself for enjoying freedom instead of fear. That lasted until about 10:30 the night before the inspection when it all suddenly hit me and I broke out the toothbrush, going solidly back to fear . Turns out I have not arrived, identity-wise.
Predictably, everything went fine. Christyn did not in fact bring her white glove and she commented that we had a lovely home in a cute neighborhood. She checked for all the required safety measures, such as a non-skid surface on the tub the baby will use, a fire extinguisher in the kitchen and emergency numbers posted by every phone. We have lots of pictures all over our house and so we got to brag about our families, especially our nephew Zeke. She told us that we had met all the requirements and passed with flying colors, which was a relief to hear. None of the things I cleaned the night before even registered on her radar, which is a lesson I will try to keep in my head for as long as I can.
We have just one more meeting with Christyn and then we will be done with our entire home study, pending the results of our background checks, which we are not worried about. In our final meeting we will go over our homework, which mainly consists of summariazing and discussing the four books we are required to read. Actually it's three books and an online course. The homework has been labor intensive but extremely informative, which I suppose is the point.
We've been learning about what it means to have an open adoption, which I will talk about in detail in another post. It's much more complicated but much more beautiful than we had ever thought. I won't deny that I am riddled with fear about the whole idea but we both think this will be so much better for our child. We have to start being good parents now, even though we don't know who our baby is and when s/he will get here. Adoption is strange that way.
Our next meeting is June 25th at 9 AM for those of you who pray. Thanks so much for all your encouragement. We couldn't do this without you.
I have to tell you, nothing makes me more uptight than having someone inspect my home. I keep it neat at all times but knowing that my whole entire future hinges on this! made me, let's say, a wee bit uptight. Our social worker, Christyn, told me not to go crazy cleaning. "I'm not coming in with a white glove!" she excalimed when I mentioned borrowing a ladder to clean my windows.
I have really been making a conscious effort this year to base my identity in Christ and not in what people think of me, so I took her advice to heart. I did a reasonable amount of cleaning (i.e.: did not scrub my kitchen floor with a toothbrush) and felt very proud of myself for enjoying freedom instead of fear. That lasted until about 10:30 the night before the inspection when it all suddenly hit me and I broke out the toothbrush, going solidly back to fear . Turns out I have not arrived, identity-wise.
Predictably, everything went fine. Christyn did not in fact bring her white glove and she commented that we had a lovely home in a cute neighborhood. She checked for all the required safety measures, such as a non-skid surface on the tub the baby will use, a fire extinguisher in the kitchen and emergency numbers posted by every phone. We have lots of pictures all over our house and so we got to brag about our families, especially our nephew Zeke. She told us that we had met all the requirements and passed with flying colors, which was a relief to hear. None of the things I cleaned the night before even registered on her radar, which is a lesson I will try to keep in my head for as long as I can.
We have just one more meeting with Christyn and then we will be done with our entire home study, pending the results of our background checks, which we are not worried about. In our final meeting we will go over our homework, which mainly consists of summariazing and discussing the four books we are required to read. Actually it's three books and an online course. The homework has been labor intensive but extremely informative, which I suppose is the point.
We've been learning about what it means to have an open adoption, which I will talk about in detail in another post. It's much more complicated but much more beautiful than we had ever thought. I won't deny that I am riddled with fear about the whole idea but we both think this will be so much better for our child. We have to start being good parents now, even though we don't know who our baby is and when s/he will get here. Adoption is strange that way.
Our next meeting is June 25th at 9 AM for those of you who pray. Thanks so much for all your encouragement. We couldn't do this without you.
Sunday, June 17, 2007
Well, THAT took an extraordinarily long time!
Okay, I'm finally getting this blog up and running after almost a month of fiddling. Sorry about the delay.
I just want to explain a little about how blogs work, for those of you who don't surf them regularly like Yours Truly. Basically, when there is anything to tell about our adoption, I will post it here. The newest news will always be on top. There isn't any way we'll let you know we've updated, so you'll have to check back here once in a while to see if I've posted anything new. I'm going to try to post something every week.
After we are done with our home study, there will be a looong period of waiting. Believe me, nobody will be more frustrated with that than us! I plan to be honest here, so I want you to know that there will probably be plenty of entries with Unpleasant Attitude. Bear with me. It will get better.
If you want to leave a comment to let us know that you have been here or are thinking of us, you can click the green link below the latest entry that says "No Comments." (If there are comments it will say something like "32 Comments.") The page that pops up will ask you for your name, email and website. If you don't have any of the three of these things, just make one up. For example: Name: Aunt Lorrie, email: auntlorriesworld@yahoo.com, website: auntlorriespeaks@anon.com. The computer has no idea these addresses aren't real (see how it's try to link them by turning them blue?) so it will accept them and allow you to comment. (Thanks Aunt Lorrie for being my example!) We would love to recieve comments from all of you telling us that you have been here. It is a great encouragement to hear from all of you.
If you have any questions about how to use this site, just call us or email me at jbondsgirl@yahoo.com. We love you all and thank you for coming with us on this journey.
I just want to explain a little about how blogs work, for those of you who don't surf them regularly like Yours Truly. Basically, when there is anything to tell about our adoption, I will post it here. The newest news will always be on top. There isn't any way we'll let you know we've updated, so you'll have to check back here once in a while to see if I've posted anything new. I'm going to try to post something every week.
After we are done with our home study, there will be a looong period of waiting. Believe me, nobody will be more frustrated with that than us! I plan to be honest here, so I want you to know that there will probably be plenty of entries with Unpleasant Attitude. Bear with me. It will get better.
If you want to leave a comment to let us know that you have been here or are thinking of us, you can click the green link below the latest entry that says "No Comments." (If there are comments it will say something like "32 Comments.") The page that pops up will ask you for your name, email and website. If you don't have any of the three of these things, just make one up. For example: Name: Aunt Lorrie, email: auntlorriesworld@yahoo.com, website: auntlorriespeaks@anon.com. The computer has no idea these addresses aren't real (see how it's try to link them by turning them blue?) so it will accept them and allow you to comment. (Thanks Aunt Lorrie for being my example!) We would love to recieve comments from all of you telling us that you have been here. It is a great encouragement to hear from all of you.
If you have any questions about how to use this site, just call us or email me at jbondsgirl@yahoo.com. We love you all and thank you for coming with us on this journey.
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