Dreams

Last night I had a dream that I had two adopted daughters, about six months apart in age, both about three years old.  One had strawberry blond hair and was an easy, happy child.  The other had brown eyes and blond hair and looked like me when I was little.  She was happy too, but more intense.  More like me.

We were at church on Sunday morning, waiting for service to begin.  The sanctuary was full and my daughters were running around, saying hi to everyone.  I admonished them to be good and they laughed but they slowed down.  Everyone was smiling at them, saying hello back in response.  Standing next to me was my good friend Lorie and we were talking about how much infertility had changed the course of our lives and how beautiful our children were. 

Suddenly, my dark-eyed daughter ran up to me, laughing.  I bent down to hug her and said: "I'm so glad that I am infertile because if I wasn't, I'd never have gotten to meet the amazing person you are."  She smiled at me, eyes sparkling, and ran off into the crowd again.  I couldn't immediately spot her but I wasn't worried.  She was safe among people who loved us and I knew she'd find me again.

I woke up smiling, feeling at peace.  My daughter is on her way.  I feel like I'm finally climbing out of the deep pit of infertility and despair.